I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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