I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
