I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
