Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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