I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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