So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
