we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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