4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
