He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
