He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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