Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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