Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
