so let's talk penis.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
