all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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