i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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