What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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