i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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