I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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