fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
