i think my tv is drunk
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
