I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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