Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
