its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
