So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
