I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
