Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
