You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
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I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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