I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
