Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
