I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
