We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
