3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i already hear my dad disowning me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
