Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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