Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Green mimosas i think yes
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
