Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
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I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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