why didn't you poke me back
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
