what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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