I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
