yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
