His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
