someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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