My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
