I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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