whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
