Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
