What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
