I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
