We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
