this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
