he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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