happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
