I'm going to jail i love you
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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