how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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