no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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