I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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