Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
