ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
