you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
