When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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