i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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