the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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