i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
