dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
