Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you had me at cake vodka
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
