after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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