Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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