So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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