anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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