Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
