Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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