dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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