hotel room ftw
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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