do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
