Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
