Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
