you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
