he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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