I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
