mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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