38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
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