I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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