the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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