and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
